So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
