i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
