I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
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My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
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True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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