Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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