I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
