Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
