playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
