I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Randomize
