You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
