piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Randomize
