there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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