Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
