I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
