I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
