made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
