I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
