sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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