Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
