well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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