Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
