i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
