I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
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I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
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If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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