I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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