Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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