are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
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how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
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That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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