Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
