Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
