doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
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It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
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WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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