census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
