I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
