so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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