Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
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I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
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In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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