Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
