The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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