So drunk its hurt
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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