Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
