Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
