Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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