thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
