my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
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Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
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They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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