you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
