Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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