im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I wish i was in the wii world.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
