3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
