I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize