Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
