i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
