I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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