I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Randomize
