oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
