literally had 100 drinks last night.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize