whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
