why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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