We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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