Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
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My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
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It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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