Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
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I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
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I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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