so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
