Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
