i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
