I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
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I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
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Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I am one with the molecules
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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