I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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