Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
