tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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