so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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