70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
