I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
