hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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