I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
