i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
