So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
