Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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