In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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