you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Just pee around me
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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