ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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