This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
