dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
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I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
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We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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