I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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