your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
