Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
